The fear of being ordinary...

Sometimes I think I'm compelled to make choices that promise to launch me out of the realm of ordinary.

I'm not ordinary (if there even is such a thing, I mean ordinary is pretty closely related to the concept of "normal" and it's widely accepted that there really is no such thing as "normal" - to the extent that the word "normal" is almost never written or said without the accompaniment of double quotes). I have a less that ordinary brain for one thing, but let's not go there because it usually leads to, "Well, we already knew THAT..." smirk encrusted comments.

I haven't led much of an ordinary life either - not according to most people I talk to.

I've had three legal names, for one thing.

My parenting choices are not ordinary either, but this is where I begin to think that I've made a lot of choices in my life with, at least, an underlying motive of "not being ordinary".

So, what's so wrong with ordinary?

Well, it's boring, right? It's been done to death and is so 1978, or something like that...

Ordinary doesn't make a very good defense mechanism either. You can't shut people out if you're just like them, now can you. They identify too much with you then, and you can't pretend you have nothing in common with them and that they just don't "get it"...

And there's another point... Ordinary suggests mainstream, which seems to be equated with the lowest common denominator. The lowest common denominator has never been anything much to write home about. It's low brow. Based. Unintelligent. Who wants to be viewed as unintelligent? Certainly not me! I have an IQ of 135 and I want to the world to know about it - coz then maybe I'll get some respect...

Hmmmm, so maybe now we're getting to the core of things...

When you're not ordinary. When you're EDGE. When you go against the mainstream, a lot of people seem to think you're brave - mad, but brave. I mean, it takes a lot of spunk to go against the mainstream, to stay true to your path when everyone around you is talking you down. People try to scare you into being ordinary like them, mediocre, low-brow, gray people who don't stand out from the crowd, don't distinguish themselves, are ordinary.

No, it's better to be EXTRAordinary because that must mean you're strong, smart, an INDIVIDUAL (just like all the other individuals)...

Village Misconceptions...

We often here, "It takes a village to raise a child", and with this in mind, many mothers today try to work together to support one another through the trials and tribulations of parenting in this modern world.

The thing is, in villages, it wasn't peers supporting one another with parenting, so much as an intergenerational support system, and I feel - I've witnessed a fair bit of this - that many women in peer community groups end up feeling let down by the concept of it taking a village to raise a child.

The problem with peers trying to be support to one another is that everyone has the same needs, and when you have a particular need, it's very hard to give of yourself to another person who has exactly the same need, because you have little to give.

When you're emotionally spent, and all touched out and the kids are demanding you constant attention, do you feel able to give someone else's children - as well as your own children - the attention they need in order to help out another mum to who is also emotionally spent, all touched out and has kids demanding her constant attention? Somehow, I doubt it. And so, community peer support often extends only to brief encounters with the dispersing of much anxious energy. Quite often women come away from these brief social encounters feeling less isolated, but not less tired.

There is no doubt it's great to laugh and cry with other women, but to what extent can this alleviate the symptoms of severe anxiety, stress, sleep deprivation or loneliness, particularly if it's a once a week, or once a month event?

Village life was all about the previous generation helping out the next generation, and the subsequent generation helping out with the one before it. It was about meeting complimentary needs, not competing needs. When everyone has the same need, it means they are under-resourced in the same way and are not going to be able to be a resource for the same need in one another.

As a mum of young children, it breaks my heart to see other mums of young children struggling, and yet, I am not able to meet their needs because I'm barely meeting my own need; two drowning people cannot keep one another afloat no matter how much they would like to!

For women to make the most of a village support mechanism, they need to be able to accept support from "aunties, uncles and grandparents" - I put this in double quotes because for some of us those "aunties, uncles and grandparents" are not going to be able to be blood or marital relatives, they're going to be the other wise elders. Just as with village life, we have to accept that we may not always see eye to eye with their perspective on parenting (Do we really think villages were Think Tanks? Of course they weren't, the next generation is always going to want to show their independance by reinventing the wheel). Mostly, we need to acknowledge that doing it all ourselves, or EXPECTING our friends (who also have children) to keep us afloat is not going to serve our children in the long run when every resource is beyond exhausted and we fall in a heap...

Barbecue Culture...

It's Melbourne Cup Day! I love Melbourne Cup Day even though the Salvo legacy causes me to baulk at betting on the horses (somewhere in Australia today, someone is going to lose a heap of money and put their family in crisis because of a gambling problem that our society seems to mostly just scoff at and that makes me feel sick), hmmmm, I digress.

Anyway, I felt like I'm missing out on something. Something particularly Australian - ok, I realised other nations also do the BBQ thing, but it is an iconicly Aussie passtime, isn't it? - the backyard barbie!

Dave isn't entralled by the idea of al fresco eating. The idea of sharing his meal with flies and mozzies causes him to screw his face up in the most unattractive grimace that I mostly avoid bringing up the idea. Besides this, our house isn't well set up for outdoor eating. We have a relatively flat, concreted area just outside the back door, but it's right in front of the garage on the driveway and not very inviting. Also the back steps are an out and out health hazard, so we never use them and then we have to walk half way around the exterior of the house to get to that spot which tends to squash any motivation I might have if I can get past the image of Dave's screwed up face.

But I still dream of one day having family barbecues on those occassions that call for them!

One day we'll live somewhere where I can splurge on a barbie, and we can cook and eat out of doors and watch the Big Race! All the boys will be here and who knows, we might even invite other people and make an event of it.

One day I want to have a New Years Eve barbie, and a Solstice barbie, and a for-the-heck-of-it barbie. I want to participate in the Great Barbecue Culture! One day! One day soon!

Beltaine and NO-vember...

So, today we had Ari's first birthday party. It was a very intimate affair because I just wasn't up for the big to-do I had with Brynjar's first birthday (which involved 20 adults and 30 kids!)... As part of his birthday celebration, and in observation of Beltaine (the pagan sabbath of fertility, which is known as May Day - where people dance around the maypole amongst other things), I gave each family that attended a small trinket of four bells tied together with white and red ribbons.

The idea behind the bells was to meditate on them, thinking on the theme of fertility, bringing to fruition, growth and so on, and decide what each family wanted to see GROW in their lives in the coming calender year. Then they were instructed to hang the bells in a place where they would catch the breeze, and every time they tinkled, they would remind the family of what it was they were bringing into fruition, or cultivating this coming year.

Now, serendiptiously, a friend on facebook set a challenge to her friends to figure out what they were going to say NO to in NO-vember, being that November begins tomorrow (I LOVE November, and have always been a little envious of a certain beautiful cousin of mine who is fortunate enough to be born on November 1st. I got married in November (many years ago) and had hoped Ari might hold out until November to be born, LOL)...

So, yeah, I've had to think about two things today - What I want to cultivate in my life this year, and what I want to say no to this coming month!

CULTIVATE

1. Finishing my Masters degree (am not finishing it this year, so will be finishing it in 2010, was a hard decision to come to, but it's for the best, I want to submit the best work I can, not the most rushed work I can).
2. A change for the better in my diet and fitness (yes, I realise that sounds trite, but after this year of ill-health, I know I really need to make a substantial change).
3. Getting some part time work in the second half of next year so we can put some money behind us.
4. Saving a decent buffer, possibly moving money so we can live closer to the boys school.

NO-VEMBER CHALLENGE

1. NO procrastination!!!

This means whenever I know I need to be doing something, I'll do it instead of sitting here procrastinating. This will feed into my studies a fair bit, I'd say. It will also feed into my knowing that I need to cut animal products out of my diet (ah, yes, I here my nearest and dearest friends heaving a sigh of "here we go again", sorry, just something I've got to do).

So, here we go, bring on a new day, a new months, and a new year!

A 1st Birthday in pictures

My beautiful Ari's first birthday motivated me to dig out the disks for my Canon, so I could take some (half) decent photos of the lad on this momentus occasion! Some of the photos are a bit dodgy, because, quite frankly, I'm a bit rusty - having only taken photos on the iPhone for the past six months (my BAD!)...

Big One year old boy!


Finishing dinner before the present opening and cake proceedings (loved the light in this pic, so it's just gratuitous eye candy of the Squishous One.

Ooooh, what's this?

Ooooh, aaaaah, ooooh, aaaah!

Another present (and release from the highchair, in prep for reception of major present)...

What every Aussie boy needs...

"Hmmm, Erik, I don't know about this, this feels a bit weird, are you sure it's safe?"

What a second... So, I can't crawl, and I can't walk, but they're happy for me to ride a bike???

Ooooh, looky at the trailer, wonder if I can get my rattle in there as well...

The Biker Grimace - don't mess with the A-man, he's tough, he rides!

Happy Birthday to You!!!

Uuuh, and what esactly am I supposed to do with this?

Oh yeah!!! This stuff is GOOD!

Lion Lion Eagle Lion

At 9am on the 27th of October, 2008, Ari Leo rushed into this world. He was little little at just 2.75kg, the smallest (by at least 1.8kg) of my brood. But like so many runts of the litter, he's truly shown himself to be a compact sized power house!

His names Ari and Leo were chosen for their meanings. Ari, in the middle east is referential of Lion, and in Iceland, of Eagle. Leo, of course, refers to Lion, as well. So, either his name means Lion Lion, or Eagle Lion. His name suits him perfectly!

He's well known for his ability to closely observe people. He'll stare at people without smiling for ages and ages, looking right into their very person. Many people have been quite unnerved by this trait of his.He is feisty, determined, and has a very sharp wit. When he smiles, no one can resist him, but he is highly selective about who he smiles at and when. Just because you've teased a smile out of him one day, doesn't mean you'll get one the next, but in the same respect, if he's in the mood, he'll smile at a complete stranger (especially if mumma has just told said stranger he doesn't smile a people he's only just met!).



He is very affectionate and within his family, he is very even handed about his outpouring of affection. He shows equal preference for hanging out with any one of us, even at this young age. He'll snuggle into Luey or Dave, as much as he would with me, often preferring to sit with his dad to go to sleep. He jumps on any opportunity to get into the middle of [gentle] wrestling on the floor with Bryn and Erik. He misses his boys, including Dave, when they're all out on a Tuesday.

He is quite patient, but has a keen radar for when he is being fobbed off and doesn't tolerate any such insult to his intelligence, LOL! He is, at once, a glassy lake and charging horse. Still waters certainly run deep when it comes to Ari, but he is never backward in coming forward when he's made up his mind what he wants.

Ari has slotted into and rounded out our family perfectly. The past 365 days with him have been one blessing on the heels of another.

Ari Leo, the runt of the litter, has the heart of a Lion and the spirit of an Eagle!

Happy 1st Birthday my Squishy boy!

Green Smoothie + preschooler = EPIC WIN!

For a while now, Bryn has been doing that thing that toddlers and preschoolers are prone to do. He's been refusing to eat most foods. Well, most dinner foods that is. He'll eat cereal and toast, and sandwiches, and biscuits and yes, even a token piece of fruit (as long as it's apple), but when it comes to dinner time, he flat out refuses to eat anything that isn't in the food group "fish n chips" or "pizza" (and by pizza, he strictly means ham and pineapple, none of that weird veggie pizza)...

Everything green is EEEEEWWWWW!

Actually, anything resembling a vegetable at all is EEEEWWWWW!

So, a few weeks ago when I decided to try and boost my own nutritional intake by trying out green smoothies, I totally didn't expect Bryn to be even remotely interested.

I made my first green smoothie on a weekend morning, and it consisted of a glass or so of filtered water, banana, apple, baby spinach and agave syrup. Erik and Luey wanted something (afterall it was a SMOOTHIE, how bad could it be - luckily the colour didn't put them off). When Master Bryn realised he might be missing out on something as good as a smoothie (even though it was green), he insisted on a taste too.

Well, whaddya know, he liked it!

And so, every morning now, I make myself a litre of green smoothie to drink throughout the day, and he has half a kids cup of it with a straw (we both discovered the delight of drinking green smoothies with a straw).

This mornings green smoothie consisted of a couple of glasses of filtered water, a banana, some frozen raspberries (a current fave), a heap of silverbeat (Americans call this kale), some agave syrup and a few mint leaves... He's sitting just a couple of metres from me sipping his through a green straw and watching kids tv.

I have to say, this is such a relief to me. I feel like even though he isn't eating dinner, and much of what he will eat is not necessarily highly nutritious (I mean, how nutritious is a lot of grain with dairy and honey chucked in for taste???), that each morning he gets a shot of vitamins, minerals anti-oxidants, and most importantly live enzymes...

Hail the green smoothie!

(for any doubters out there, you can't actually taste the spinach or silverbeat, you just taste the fruit, really)